I sit here at a cross road, and even though I am not going back to a new school. I feel like a lot is changing in my life.
Since I've been back from Uganda, I havent talked much about it, I was an acclimatizer or what ever they are really called without a doubt
But this sneaking thought keeps on coming into my head, that they way I can best love Uganda, America, Scotland, heck even Timbuktu is to care for the environment because by doing that (not the extreme version) you care for people
Did you know that organic farmers love their Job ? I didn't until this summer
Did you know that conventional farms take up huge tracts of land and are business like in the way they are run? I didn't until this summer
Did you know that conventional dry cleaning hurts the workers who work in the dry cleaning stores? I didn't until last year
Did you know this can be easily remedied by just looking up a eco friendly dry cleaner in your area? believe me if there is two in Wichita you can find one anywhere
I watched a documentary on coal mining yesterday, I was on Morgan Spurlocks TV show called 30 days and he was in it. And It was one of the most politically neutral things i have ever seen and because of this I allowed it to hit me in the gut.
Right now there is not a better alternative then coal for electricity, but coal mining is one of the most dangerous jobs and the not dangerous version is tearing away the beautiful mountain tops of west virginia. I sat there my mouth literally drooling over the beautiful scenery I was seeing, and then I found out it was slowly going away.
I know the answer to protect peoples lively hoods is not doing away with electricity and trying to stop the government from allowing coal based electricity. Instead I believe that a solution must be found that works as well as coal, so that slowly the coal industry can become obsolete.
I have become convinced more and more over the past several months of my life, that what I pay for and purchase can do as much to affect the country, as voting for a particular politician, if not more. Not that buying more is good, actually I am all for buying less. What I mean is we must put thought behind our purchases,
That and we must get out of our bubbles and care for the people around us, the little old lady down the street, we must know the people we live around. We must take like and live it not like it is something to get through but instead we must recognizing that it itself is also a treasure. We must embrace it. We have to get back to the basics.
We must go outside and play in God's wonderful creation,
we must be present with the people around us
we(and I'm talking mostly to myself here) must get off our butts and really live life

When I realized I wasnt having the typical usp community experience/I love CCU

I was sitting at re-entry and everyone was talking about how unique they found the USP community and how much they were going to miss community when they got home,
and all I could think is, USP you were great, but I can't wait to get back to the CCU community
I realized then how blessed I am to go to a school like ccu. When others are dreading the day they go back I have been going through CCU withdraws since June,
And I am not the only person who has experienced this
tons of people do
almost my whole school misses it terribly when they are gone, when many people get homesick when they go to college, CCU students get schoolsick when they are away
Wheather its the mountains, the community at the school, even the professors at CCU, there is something about it that just captures your heart and wont let it go.
and CCU is far far far from being perfect.
but maybe just maybe it's the perfect place for me
see you in a week and a day CCU

Maple Sue the Subaru

Re Entry Incidents

Weirdest thisng I have done: Washed my hands at the Baltimore Airport. Can you believe it Hot Water comes out of an automatic tap. Like you just put your hands under the faucet and bam warm water.

America is really like this? event...... the amount of plastic trash me and my Dad got at panda express, oh my goodness. Where were the ceramic plates or brown paper bags

Oh look theres Uganda! event sitting at the DC airport when a dark skinned (trying to think of the most politucally correct way to say this, correct me please) girl came and sat next to mne, wiping her clean chair off before she sat down. This is what all the Ugandans do, it made me so happy !!

all this happened within 10 minutes, part of me is wondering if that was rentry, but something tells me I'm not done yet

( so I was reluctant to post this because I don't want people to worry but I also felt like I need to share more, whatever you do make sure you don't only read part of this)
So a common theme during USP is tension. The difficult time that will arise during the semester that will help you grow as a person.
I had my first crying experience yesterday. I am very very low on sleep thanks to a rooster that wakes me up at 4:30 in the morning. I am realizing once again (for like the one hundredth time) how special the community at CCU is, and well it makes me miss it. And then my canceled class was going to be held after all with my officially worst favorite teacher. It was to much to handle. And I had one of those feeling that I just wanted to go home.....

But God is good really good. and it's weird this morning I was sitting in my faith and Action class. Which is my only all American class. and I just kept on thinking about Scotland. One of the things I have learned here is how much I truly do feel called to live there someday, and how you can't just make up those feelings. Because believe me if you could, I would of made those feelings up about Uganda, and it would be more then just a place I'm studying at for the semester. And the more I thought about living in Scotland one day, the more I became comfortable with living here for the semester. How the stuff I learn here could really help me in the future. And then I started to dream about stuff like helping train and being emotional support for missionaries in other places, while living in Scotland, and well I started to get excited, really excited.
Part of the thing that has been hard here, is that I'm not adapting to the Ugandan culture as well as I adapt to the culture in Scotland. Instead of feeling like I understand it well enough to help other people adapt, I feel like I need help myself. But it's good really good, because I know this will help me in the future, help others.

Well I know this post will be continued further, but right now it's time for a nap. I love you all and miss you.

Incorporating Uganda life into America

This time is going to be gone in a mere week and a half's time
I often think here that I haven't changed at all, and then I do something like write a Christmas list and it slaps me in the face.
I'm so glad we are going to be going through re-entry in Entebbe, I need it.
I know some part of incorporating what I have learned here and experienced here at home will be easy, such as presence, and others will be hard such as street food and walking.
It's going to be weird going back, while I believe home wont feel terribly different, going back to CCU is going to be very different. In some ways I feel like I am transferring all over again. The emotion of leaving people behind that I had before going to CCU, it is defiantly there and very real.
Not to say I am not excited, I have much more purpose and direction behind my major after being here. I think I'm actually going to speak in class, my professors might faint. And mountains oh my goodness they are calling my heart. And I miss my friends so much. And I'm ready to be back to my addicted to volunteering self. Snappers and street church you have been on my heart all semester, I miss ya so much.

Has anybody who is reading this gone through reverse culture shock before? Does anybody have any pearls of wisdom for me? Does anyone have any advice? Please even if you're a secret reader of my blog ( I know plenty of people read it and don't comment thanks to my little map) if you have any advice please leave a comment. It's okay with me if you don't tell me who you are.

Okay so I think I'm preparing you guys for the transition to my blog being back about America
I found out the USA recently passed a law requiring healthier school lunches in the USA
I couldn't be a bigger fan
yes libertarian leaning ( well more then any other political party) me is a huge fan
See when I was little my preschool teacher called me spit on a griddle meaning that I was overly hyper, test were done and it was a fact, I had ADHD
but my mom didn't want to give me medication unless it was necessary. So I was on the feingold diet with meant no artificial anything, especially colors.
And while it wasn't a 100% success story, (and I'm not convinced this wasn't because I sneaked artificial food) it worked
That past is why I'm on the slow journey of trying to move towards all natural diet and mostly not processed/ organic diet once again. With my past it's hard for me to believe that the skeptics about organic food are right.
That and I've read the boxes of massed produced food. The place where I was, was serving relatively healthy food ( had lots of vitamins, basic food groups) and I still couldn't believe how much junk was in the food
We are what we eat.

more insight on the subject
fedupwithschoollunch.blogspot.com

Response

Okay I'm getting a little controversial here but okay.
In light of John 8 how should Christians see the death penalty?
Should chrisitans be for or against capital punishment ?
If you would like you can email me your response kimberly.joy.mac@gmail.com

In the silence of the midwinter dusk, there is far off in the deeps of it somewhere a sound so faint that for all you can tell it may be the sound of the silence itself. You hold your breath to listen. You walk up the steps to the front door. The empty windows at either side tell you nothing, or almost nothing. For a second you catch the whiff in the air of some fragrance that reminds you of a place that you have been and a time that you have no words for. You are aware of the beating of your heart. The extraordinary thing that is about to happen is matched only by the extraordinary moment just before it happens. Advent is the name of that moment.
-Frederick Buechner-

The time before I come home, the time before I see Elaine and Keith, the time before Christmas. My life is filled with waiting right now, But in this waiting I must be present, soaking up the extra ordinary time before the extraordinary event comes.

I am coming home in a little more then two weeks
I only have one weekend left in Mukono
two weeks ago seems like it was yesterday, August 23 seems like it was only a week ago.

In many ways I am so ready to be home I'm ready
to be near to family and friends
I'm ready to eat a butt load of fresh veggies
I'm ready for american church
I'm ready for cold weather, and christmas decorations
I'm ready for CCU and skiing
my Professors at CCU
warm showers

But I'm not ready to leave......
the wonderful USP community
street food
the wonderful Ugandans I have met
The toucan that greets me by banging on the window
the green beautiful landscape here
wearing sandals
the inexpensive prices
a more simple life, but hopefully I don't have to leave that one behind

I'm Thankful for

My Grandmom... she is having heart surgery next friday please pray for her, and I know I'm a little biased but I truly have one of the greatest grandmothers ever.

My family, how great they are, and How great they are to even let me travel all the way to Uganda, for their faith, their example, their gooberness

CCU I have realized this semester how special it truly is, and and CCU isn't for everyone, but I think it's the right fit for me. For it's theology, and the students, the craziness, how for the most part people believe what they do and do what they believe

USP and the wonderful people I have spent the last months with

UCU and the wonderful Ugandans I have met here

Mountains, oh my goodness they absolutely captured my heart last year, and my heart can't wait to return to them. I never knew a geographical feature could be so important- and thats coming from an outdoor leadership minor.

fresh crispy veggies

maybe my most honest post my whole time here

SO I thought I wanted to go home a few months ago, it was nothing compared today, except for the fact that if my family was here I would be perfectly content.
I woke up this morning and called home and got the news that my Gahgee was in the hospital and will have to have heart surgery in the near future. And I got to experience something, something that not everyone who participates in the USP program experience.
Dealing with family stuff over 8,000 miles from home, and having to rely on people who you haven't known for years and years. Not being with family to laugh, cry, and talk with, but feeling alone and completely disconnected. Not only from family at home but also the people who surround me. Sure people listened, but no one knows Gahgee, no one quite understands whats going on.
Theres a huge part of me that would do anything to be sitting with my parents in my Pappy and Grammy's living room, but I know there is a reason that God has me here right now, and I feel his comfort, and I will be home in a mere 3 weeks. I am having to rely on God a ton right now, but he is reminding me of something, that he is my rock and he is always there for me.

a little update

So another week has passed, and I am a week closer to coming home
It's super weird to think about
This weekend was The honor college reunion. See I live in the Honor's college at Uganda Christian University which is a group of leaders in the school, and this weekend the had an alumni dinner/ reunion. So we put our fanciest dresses on and drove to the nice section of Kampala where we were greeted with a nice elegant dinner. It made me realize how much UCU has truly become my home away from home, and think about all the amazing people I have met.
This week is quite the week in the expat community here. See we are going to have thanksgiving dinner, with over 60 people, all the Americans on campus coming to celebrate the day of thanks. And it will be super sad to not be near Family on this day, but I think that this will defiantly be the next best thing. And it will be interesting to think about being thankful in a different context then at home.

i only have a month left here- is the thought the pounds through my brain....
Where has time gone?
Wasn't I just at the Dulles airport hugging mommy goodbye?

wait I have been here forever haven't I...
Uganda seems so familiar....
I couldn't of gotten here a little more then three months ago....
this place is too familiar....


I can't wait to be home with my family....
I miss them so much...
I can't wait to be in Colorado in the snow skiing down the beautiful mountain slopes
but wait

leaving means leaving friends that have become so dear
it means leaving a country filled with people that will be a part of my heart forever, that most likely i will never return to
Oh the mixed emotions flow through my brain

writing a christmas list

I've been realizing the past couple of weeks that the biggest changes that have happened to me in Uganda wont be noticeable until I get home. There is so much that has become a part of everyday life here that is so abnormal in America, that I just know going back will be a shock, It will be good but shocking, and sudden.
I was just writing my Christmas list and it was a revealing experience- and honestly at least half of the list is stuff that 3 months ago I would of asked for or got for myself and it wouldn't of been special at all. Just stuff I "needed". Last Christmas I dreamed of a 400 dollar ski coat, and now I just felt so guilty just putting snow boots on my list because I have some, even though there starting to fall apart.
As I said in my last post Uganda has not given me a conviction that I need to sell everything I have and give it to the poor. I'll probably still shop at the stores I shop at. I don't feel guilty for owning a ski pass, actually I have less of a problem with spending the money for my pass now then I did in August. I am not condemning material things and planning to never spend money again. No instead I am more thankful, much more thankful and grateful. I have a new love for simplicity, and less.
Uganda has made me thankful for the simplest of things, I will never take hot showers and washers and dryers for granted again. It will be so weird to be able to drink water out of a bathroom sink, and not to be extra careful about swallowing while I brush my teeth. Life will seem different too, all the cars and lack of publicly available transportation. Driving to go to the grocery store in Lakewood will be weird because here it would be a short walk.

My life is never going to be quite the same in the Us, but this is not a bad thing. I'm excited. Excited to spend time with family and friend, excited to play in the mountains. I'm excited to be present in Colorado, not dreaming of the next big adventure, but soaking up the short time I have left at CCU. I'm excited to (hopefully) be in Upstate New York this summer, spending time there soaking in the familiarity, while having new experiences. I'm most excited though to spend time with family, something you become very thankful for when you are more then 8,127 miles from home.

For now though I'm going to be present in Uganda and soak up my last 5 weeks I have left.

Only 45 days left......

I am more than halfway through my time in Uganda. and that is so weird to think about and it brings forth so many emotions. Part of me wants to leave tomorrow, part of me wants to never leave. And the idea of saying goodbye to the people I have met already brings a lump in my throat.
I feel like I have learned a lot, changed so much, and then part of me wonders if I have changed at all. But looking back on old journal entries I know I have
The weird thing though is the changes Uganda has brought so far arent the changes I was expecting, I have seen poverty, I lived in it last week, I have seen community, I have seen many of the things I expected to. But it's not making me want to sell all my worldly possessions and live with the bare minimum. It is making me realize how blessed I am though, and how thankful I am. It's making me realize how much I love christian community, and the outdoors. Instead of changing me, it's almost like Uganda is strengthening me, giving me a push in the right direction.

by the way I can let you guys know about my plans for this summer now, and please be praying for me. See I have decided that I'm going to live with my wonderful Gahgee in the wonderful mountains of upstate New York this summer. But there is one important thing that is needed to make this happen, a job and well the whole point of this is a job in the outdoor industry. SO please be praying that doors are open and I find that job, because the whole process of even looking is so intimidating.

Perpetual wander... or not

Its funny the more place I go the more places I want to go.......
Just being here has made me want to see more of Africa, the animals in Kenya, the great stretch of desert in the Sahara, the effect the apartheid still has South Africa.
Even though I hate classes and homework, I am person who loves to learn. I love experience and receiving a deeper understanding because of the things I experience.
this semester though has taught me the value though of being home the value of the deep relationships that form. As one might expect it's impossible to not be extremely close with the people I am in Africa with. But there's part of my head that keeps on thinking that in a couple of months it will all be over. Sure some friendships will last, but it will be like shorter. Long distance friendships based on past events and trying to stay connected through current ones.
Part of me wants to be in one place forever. Building deep relationships, relationships where you have known the person so long that you forget how you met them. This is something that nomad me has rarely had.
Which is why I'm so excited for my year and a half left at CCU, actually being somewhere for more then a year is starting to sound pretty great. I'm ready to plant my feet somewhere for awhile and see what fruits may grow.

I found out today that my dream job, working with kids in God's creation, is in Gulu, Uganda. What's going on here God? I thought Uganda was the last place you were calling me to

SO Uganda is wonderful. You know the tension I talked about, I realized why it's so important.

Its funny at the beginning of the semester The leader of the program talked about 1 degree change, I didn't get what he was saying, what? I came here so my life could be changed.
But I'm getting it now. This program isn't designed for you to have this major life changing experience that causes you to drop out of school and live in Africa. Instead it is designed to give light to the path that you are already taking, and maybe leading it down a new path that comes along. That is exactly what it is doing for me. do I still want to live in Scotland ? yes! Am I still completely in love with outdoors and colorado? yes! It's just like there are new parts I want to add to my plan. It's kind of like when your hiking and you go from hiking in the woods, to hiking through a meadow or over a stream. Your still on the same path, it just looks different.

Another bump in the road

SO mentally my brain is starting to get used to the idea of living in Uganda. I've worked things out and Uganda is defiantly becoming my home away from home. Eating is easier, bathing is easier, I'm still wondering why half of the US even has air conditioning, and does Canada have air conditioning, that's even more ridiculous. ( as long as I'm not in the south or the mid west I'm thinking this wont be part of my life again). I'm into the rhythm of classes, calling home. I feel connected with people here. Mentally it's good really good

By my body is protesting and saying no! no! you cant get used to life in Uganda. Monday on my walk home I slipped on the rolling gravel and tore up my side. It's pretty much the worst SCRAPE (which are never serious) I've ever had. And then today woke up with nausea, which if you know me you know that isn't really a typical thing for me at all. Just typical Ugandan life though everyone in the USP program is going through the same type of things.

Adventure.....

Its a good word and a bad word.
And something I must admit along the past few years, is something I've become a little addicted to.
Just look at my life, I'm studying abroad in Uganda, while my home school is in Colorado. I'm minoring in Outdoor leadership while majoring in Global Studies. I dream of living in Scotland one day.
But the thing I'm realizing more and more here. That I don't need to do things because they sound adventurous, but because God's leading me to do them and because they sound like me. Okay I'll admit I'm not sure that this being my new standard would make my life less adventurous. Gods created me to be completely in love with the Outdoors and Scotland. I still am pretty sure I would cry if I ever had to have an 8 to 5 real job. But the thing I'm learning here more and more is that adventures like studying in Uganda are important because they teach me so much, but it's okay if they are not my life.

I'll be honest a week ago I didn't know if I could make it through 3 more months, but now I'm excited. I know I can do it, I want to, I'm excited to. One of the biggest things that helped me. Remembering something one of the missionaries in Rwanda told us. That you are going to be you no matter where you are.

and speaking of Adventure.........
I'm praying a lot this summer( wait it's not summer is it I mean semester) and I know for sake of my future that I need to do something either in Scotland this summer, or in the Outdoor industry, or possibly both. And I need prayers, prayers for direction: that I would go in the direction God wants me to, prayers for resources, prayers for opportunities. So if you could keep me in your prayer that would be so appreciated.

( so I was reluctant to post this because I don't want people to worry but I also felt like I need to share more, whatever you do make sure you don't only read part of this)
So a common theme during USP is tension. The difficult time that will arise during the semester that will help you grow as a person.
I had my first crying experience yesterday. I am very very low on sleep thanks to a rooster that wakes me up at 4:30 in the morning. I am realizing once again (for like the one hundredth time) how special the community at CCU is, and well it makes me miss it. And then my canceled class was going to be held after all with my officially worst favorite teacher. It was to much to handle. And I had one of those feeling that I just wanted to go home.....

But God is good really good. and it's weird this morning I was sitting in my faith and Action class. Which is my only all American class. and I just kept on thinking about Scotland. One of the things I have learned here is how much I truly do feel called to live there someday, and how you can't just make up those feelings. Because believe me if you could, I would of made those feelings up about Uganda, and it would be more then just a place I'm studying at for the semester. And the more I thought about living in Scotland one day, the more I became comfortable with living here for the semester. How the stuff I learn here could really help me in the future. And then I started to dream about stuff like helping train and being emotional support for missionaries in other places, while living in Scotland, and well I started to get excited, really excited.
Part of the thing that has been hard here, is that I'm not adapting to the Ugandan culture as well as I adapt to the culture in Scotland. Instead of feeling like I understand it well enough to help other people adapt, I feel like I need help myself. But it's good really good, because I know this will help me in the future, help others.

Well I know this post will be continued further, but right now it's time for a nap. I love you all and miss you.

SO I was just reading in my new testament book, and it was describing the city of Jerusalem and the mountains that surround it. I cant help but compare it to where I am now. Not in anyways saying Denver is a more holy city. But just the fact that God created the mountains and the foothills I see everyday on my way to class for his glory.
My love I am slowly developing for the mountains here is one of the most expected and unexpected things about ccu. I knew I was going to love them, but i did not realize how important they would be to me. When I walk to class and I see the foothill that peers over campus, it is as if I am seeing the majesty of God in one snapshot. These mountains are indeed capturing my heart, and changing my life.

So I wrote that passage last year, describing my love for the mountains in Colorado, and also how those mountains were bringing scripture to life. And it's happening again. Being here, walking down dirt paths, living a more simple life is bringing scripture to life once again. And if that's the only thing I get from my time in Uganda it's worth it.
Because I don't necessarily feel called to missions in Africa, I can help but sometimes wonder why I'm here. Because I miss home, and miss pine trees and deep dark woods. But then I realize how much this place is allowing me to grow, how much in a way it's showing me more of who I truly am. It's teaching me about community, it's teaching me about love, it's bringing scripture to life.

Settling in

The longer I'm here, the more I get used to it, the more it becomes not strange,but familiar. It's weird, some things here that would be so weird back in the US. things such as not have a shower and having to take a bath with a bucket, seem normal. things that we regard as vital in the US, such as air conditioning, I hardly notice are gone. And there are parts of life here that I already know I will miss when I get home, such as being outside, living in open buildings. Part of me wants to always live like this, it makes me want to do something crazy like living in a tent.

I miss my family and friends ( A lot I love you guys) , but besides that I only miss little things, stuff like fall and pine trees, and crisp dry air. It's weird how such a different life, can seem so normal.

( in no where land inbetween Rwanda and Tanzania )

“We can do no great things; only small things with great love.” Mother Teresa of Calcutta

That was the thing I took away from Rwanda, I cant save the world, but I spread Gods love and maybe just maybe that will make a difference.

Sorry for the lack of updating, it's just so hard to process everything enough to write a blog.
I got back for Rwanda two days ago, that was a hard trip, hard to learn about the genocide, hard to be without any way of contacting home, but it was also good very good. Every time I hear from a missionary here the more sure I become that I'm headed on the right path. Even if it's just ministering to people through the outdoors, or as crazy as living in Scotland, I'm on the right path
It was weird when I got back to school because I really felt like I was back to, well not home but my African home, it was so nice. My biggest struggle here besides food has been trying to realize that I'm not just here for another week, but until December, returning helped this greatly.
Classes have started and I'm so excited for them. I like learning in Uganda because well so much of it is hands on, I wish the rest of college could be like this.

Well I'm going to go eat some peanut butter with some biscuits (cookies). See even my stomach and taste buds are getting used to African life. I learned today, salt and pepper makes a huge difference. Thank you supermarket.

Goodbye from Uganda

Uganda is wonderful.....
sorry for the short post but after typing two emails and all the processing I have to do after going through Mukono today I'm done

SO I'm in Uganda
It's hard to even believe I'm actually here. But the atmosphere around me quickly reminds me. Ive tasted Matoke, and I have seen the prettiest animals I have ever seen. It's hard to believe that I've only been here a day, less then 24 hours

You are worth much more than what stresses you (v 24). If God cares for birds and grass with intimacy, how much more will He care for us who are immensely more precious than those things? Worry is because we have not given that need to our heavenly Father.
Jesus then calls us to remember that worry never improves life (v 25-26); at best it depreciates it.
-UCU newspaper

"Never be afraid to trust your unknown future
to a Known God"
-Corrie Ten Boom

So I had my first tears and all freak out today. I was just talking to my mom about driving to Baltimore after she dropped my of and bam started crying. Not to mention I was sort of blah all day.
It's going to be hard being away from home that long. But God is faithful and he will be with me. I'll make it, and I'm in a way excitied to be a little homesick. Because I know it will allow me to grow.

I need to remind myself that going to Uganda is only scary when I forget how good and faithful God is.

This time next week I'll be over the Atlantic on my way to Africa.
I cant believe it I cant believe I'm actually doing this.

I don't know if you all know the story of how I signed up for this
I started looking at the page in January. But it was in a oh that's cool but I would never do that short of way. I guess I shouldn't of thought that because by the end of February I couldn't get out of my mind. That and well I was cold really cold. I was tired of wearing snow boots, I just wanted to feel the warm sun on my skin. I get spring fever every year, and that's where I thought my Uganda desire came from, so I ignored it. But by the end of March the feelings got to be to much, thankfully (I thought) there wasn't enough time to apply.......

So I went off to Scotland with a plan that next fall I would return and study abroad there. I was free from this silly idea that I was going to study abroad in Uganda. Me, Uganda, no way, in my head I thought God don't you remember scared little me in Jamaica, you can't be calling me to Africa.... And because of this you must be calling me to Scotland. Scotland is where I'll go nice, modern, Scotland, Funny thing though is even though I loved the Scottish people as I always have I started to notice how much living in Scotland is like living in America, and this was the last thing I wanted for Study Abroad...... Oh what to do!?!, But the tears when I left made me believe it would still be a nice study abroad experience.

I got home, went back to school And then I got an email..... They had extended deadline for the Uganda Studies Program, I was like great..... there goes that excuse. Whats going on here God? I even emailed the lady asked her if I was crazy to even consider this, with my lack of third world experience. I fully expected her to say it would not be a good idea to go, instead though she thought the program sounded perfect.

Pretty much by the end of the week, and thanks to a Africa night, I swallowed my fear and started to apply... still wondering what the heck was going on.

Funny thing though the next day I found out I got into the Scotland program. And when I got that call I couldn't of been less excited, and then I knew something was up. It was Scotland, I go crazy when I see a Scottish flag, now a lady told me I got in to the program I had to apply for special admittance to and all I could manage was a weak yay, What?!? But in my heart I knew what it was, God was saying no to Scotland. As a result I finished the application, sent it off and said well God it's in your hands now. And well the, mystery didn't last long, I was accepted within 2 days of sending in the final paperwork. This time when I was accepted it was completed with a mouth covering scream of excitement, God was calling me to Uganda and I was going to go!

Sorry if this was very scattered, i just wanted to tell you all how if wasn't me who decided to go to Uganda but it was God who called me there, and well after a fight I listened. Me and God have a history of this. The first time I went to Scotland God was like GO! and I was like I'm Scared! and God was like Go! and I said NO! and God once again said Go! and I said Okay if I must.... The was the most life changing and best trip I have ever been on in my entire life.

So I tried to blind my self this evening with pool chemicals
First thought... I'm blind
Second thought... A newly blind person can't go to Uganda! Oh No!

Third thought... Oh I'm okay but Run!!!!! to the sink

Pretty much thats whats oh my mind though... Uganda. I leave for NJ in 6 days I can't believe it.

Love

1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

3 weeks...

So I woke up in the middle of the night, and my mind started racing about Uganda and I couldnt fall back asleep. Not really surprised this happened a little surprised this is the first time.

I leave for Uganda in 3 weeks, In 3 weeks I will be living in Africa...........
Africa, you know the continent where no one goes unless there going to do missionary or relief work for the most part. The country that in it's own ways sometimes in my head seems like a different planet. A continent that is overflowing with life and Joy, and overflowing with death, evil regimes, and poverty.
It's unreal
Part of my head still can not grasp the fact that I'll be there in three weeks because it is SO unlike anything I have done before. I can imagine what it will be like, I can prepare for it, but can I truly realize this is happening, nope. It seems like just yesterday I was looking through the best semester website and for some strange reason looking at the Ugandan Studies program page.
It's weird to think that in a way I only have 3 weeks left of being me in America, It's weird to think that after three weeks the next time I will be in America is Christmas time It's weird to think I only have three weeks left with my family this summer.
I remember feeling this way before I went to Scotland the first time, and that was Scotland. Scotland completely changed my life, but honestly Scotland is a lot like America, more so then a lot of the other countries in Europe. If Scotland changed my life that much, what will Uganda do?

I am once again becoming excited, the fear is slowly dying. I am weak but God is strong

Another quote

I'm supposed to be on a plane to Bham, silly flight delays


"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking they're either braver than most or else just silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

Chapter 8,
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,
The Chronicles of Narnia

When they have learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbours

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
— C.S. Lewis
Please read post below if you havent yet

Fear and well a silly request

I leave for Uganda in like a month



and to be honest I'm scared out of my mind. I'm scared to see the poverty, when just a homeless person on the street makes me want to cry. I'm scared that I won't feel safe, because 9th grade unadventurous, before God showed me I could trust him me, never did in Jamaica. To be honest I'm scared to see how much I will change because honestly I love my life right now. I'm afraid when I get home I'll feel guilty for parts of my life such as my ski pass which cost so much. I like who I am now, And I guess in a way it's weird to think how different I will be when I return. How different my plans for the future could be. Heck, I'm even scared I'll miss the Colorado mountains a ton

But God is there, he is there to comfort me, to guide me, to be my everything. Sometimes I look at Uganda and I forget that God will be there with me and the whole thing is unbelievably scary. And then I look at it again this time knowing God is there for me and I see hope, I see light, I know why I'm supposed to go. Sometimes I want the trip to be easy fun. But then I remember when I signed up for the trip to Uganda I didn't sign up to have a blast or for it to be easy. I signed up to be changed, for adventure, to learn how to love, no matter how hard that process might be

Please pray for peace and assurance. Please pray for my trip to Uganda.
and please if you read my blog, even if I don't know you well, please anyone reading this, comment on this post please. and well I have a special project for everyone. Every time I go to Scotland my mom (and my sister and Dad sometimes) sends me prayer letters, and these are invaluable to me during my trip. But I cant ask her to send me a letter for everyday in Uganda now can I. So it would mean so much to me if you could write a letter for me to read in Uganda. just facebook message me or my mom or look in the white pages(were the only you know who's in Wichita)for my home address and put Uganda on the back of the envelope in small letters. I know this is a silly request but it will mean so much to me while I'm there :)

I was on my way back from buying some lifesavers for my sore throat. I returned to my chair at O'Hare and noticed everyone was standing around the television watching the news I looked up on the screen. It said bombings in Uganda, my heart sunk. I soon learned that these bombings were not in the North that often sees crime but in the capital city of Kampala.
I still do not know quite what this means for my trip,but I learned this last night. That God has given me a love for Uganda, watching the TV last night seeing images of the people hurt broke my heart.
I'll admit I still find my self asking God sometimes, of all the best semester opportunities God why did you lead me to Uganda, why not Russia or China? And although it will be awhile until I find out the reasons why, I know God is giving me a love for this place and he is calling me there. And that in itself is reason enough to go.

So the nervousness for Uganda has fully set in, but with the nervousness comes excitement. I am so excited to see what this next semester will bring. The experiences it will bring, and how it will change me as a person. Pretty much everything I read tells me that I will return a new person forever changed. And I'm curious to see what that person will look like and what the path to get there will be like.

Here are some Prayer Request
For deep friendships that are like family. I thought this was important for CCU but it is even more important for Uganda. It's the only way to cure homesickness
For health - the packing list specifically mentions bringing your favorite stomach medicine
For emotional well being - this will probably be my toughest semester emotionally no matter how good this experience is.

Is there a way to combine my love for the outdoors the part of me that wants to drop everything and become a white water rafting guide, or Kayak across America
With the love God's giving me for missions
there pretty much equal passions and it's getting me confused
part of it might be becuse this is so different from the path I thought I would choose. Sophmore year of high school I wanted to be a nurse or a teacher. And most of all a cheerleading coach. And then god taught me how to trust how to dream.

a letter of thankfulness, a prayer request

As excited as I am for Uganda,as sure as I am about where it us where God has called me, I've realized how much I'll miss being a CCU for the semester.
While I was at CCU I guess I took the community, it's specialness for granted.
But living in another christian community for the past couple of weeks has made my soul yearn for it, and it has helped me to realize how truly special it is, and how it is so much where God wants me to be.
CCU I love and miss you, see you in January.
And Uganda Christian University, if your community could give me a little taste of home even if is presented in a completely different way, that would be wonderful.
Thank you CCU, hello UCU may you become as dear to my heart the semester I will spend at you as CCU is. Allow me to grow dramatically closer to God, while becoming dramatically more myself. Increase my sense of adventure, Increase the depth of my heart.
I must strive forward, for when God calls us somewhere we are commanded to not look back.

just some laughes

Camper Comments
These are actual comments left on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips
"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."

"Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."

"Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."

"Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."

"Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals."

"All the mile markers are missing this year."

"Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."

"Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."

"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."

"Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."

"Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."

"The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."

"Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights."

"Need more signs to keep area pristine."

"A McDonald's would be nice at the trail head."

"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."

"Too many rocks in the mountains."

My dream

My dream is to be a missionary in Scotland ( or some other developed English speaking country) and to lead youth on mission trips through out the world. To Africa, To Asia, To America: to the world
Is this to much to hope for, to dream for?
Is this even practical?, I have no idea

SO I just read the handbook for my Uganda Studies Program
and I am so excited so so so very excited
It is still way outside my comfrot zone, unlike anything I have ever done before but just the closing sentance
"Living in Africa is not as hard as you think. You can do it."
was like it was written for me
Yes as of right now my heart might seem like it's still in India and in Scotland. But my heart is slowly growing for Africa I love the importance relationships have there, and well I'm excited for my heart to grow by leaps and bounds for the place. Yes it will be hard. I'll see horrible poverty, I'll have to make friends once again, with Ugandans who it frankly will be hard to relate to, for the first time in my life I'll be the minority. But all of these thing also make me excited
God's taking this little heart of mine and reshaping it, he's teaching me how to make it shine, and I'm excited for the journey.

by the way this blog is mainly going to be used this summer for my preperatons for Uganda and I won't be able to write during the month of June but please stick with me. Once I get to Uganda I am hoping to still write on here some but I will have no motivation to deal with the slow internet if I think no one is reading it. Also because the handbook said this is easiest, i might be creating a new blog with fellow students once I get there.

I'm going.....

Well I'm going to Uganda and to be perfectly honest I feel like the lady on the cd I was listening to with Dad on the way home. I know it's where God's calling me , haha just the way in which i was accepted with my mouth covering scream of excitment it confirmation of that. But I'm so nervous, I lost my one excuse i had to not go today, I was accepted and now I know I have to go. I've actually said to myself that I would never go to africa, and here I go. I guess I should learn my lesson. Half of the missionairies I know promised themselves that they would never go to the location of their missions field. It's God who has brought me this far and it's God who will bring my the rest of the way. He knows my heart and will help me in my times of trouble in Uganda and will celebrate with me in my times of Joy. I am so sure God is leading me here. But sometime I forget the Joy and see the pain present there and it hurts my heart just to think about it, and I'm going to be living there with it. I guess I wonder sometimes if I'm too tender hearted to go to Africa, but then I know God's in control and he's saying GO.

a year is almost done...

and it's time for reflection
I was thinking on the way to my first final today, the year is almost over is ccu all I hoped it would be?
And I found myself saying yes. It's my college home, it has allowed me to grow closer to God while learning more about myself, it has allowed me to become more adventurous, it has allowed me to break away from my home bubble, and it has allowed me to create a community for myself.
Not everything about this year was ideal and perfect, but was it worth it... yes
I'm excited for the one and a half years I have left at CCU, for the things they will teach me, and the impact it will have on my relationship with God

Big news...

SO my plans for next year have changed a little bit, and well even though it is my back up plan I am not planning on studying abroad in the UK next year. Crazy thing, I'm applying to a program to study abroad in Uganda next year. I have been thinking about this the whole semester, but honestly the whole thing sounded so scary I was afraid to even apply. But through hearing about Africa in class and for many other reasons my heart for the developing world has grown tremendously this semester, and through prayer and talking with the study abroad company I feel like this is the direction God is calling me towards for next year. I can't even describe how excited I am.
So if your be praying that for 1 I get in and that 2 I only go if it is where God is calling me to because as a man from Liberia said thursday night: only go to Africa if God is calling you there.
If I get in I am sure there will be many more prayer requests, but it's at the beginning stages right now, and to be honest I'm still wondering if I'm crazy

A Glimpse Into My Heart

This video does not complelty describe my heart of why I want to go there, but it does describe a side of Africa that most people are unaware of, their joy, this joy was once the reason where I felt uncalled to Africa, because I felt like I needed to bring the joy of Christ to people who had none. But now I have a desire to celebrate life with them, to learn from them a little more about what true joy truly is

In My head right now

I desperately want it to be summer break.....

I don't want to have to leave the mountains behind for half a year, especially when I would love to hike and play in them,

mountains you have indeed captured my heart

most of my year this year I have been pondering my last minute decision to become a global studies major. One of the things that is most important to me is making sure I am being myself. So changing my major at the last minute to Global Studies because I loved going to Scotland and my world geography class made me really excited threw me for a loop. I thought numerous time this year, oh no did I make he right decision, am i being myself or did I only pick my major because of it's glory. It has scared me that I hate foreign languages, that just 5 years ago I had little interest in going anywhere internationally. It scares me that i felt out of my comfort zone in Spain, and didn't want to go to Africa ( I wanted to go to Gibraltar because it's part of the UK).
But this morning I started to realize some things, like how even when I was in Jamaica I really didn't want to go home, along with every trip I have ever been on unless I had a desire to see my family. I realized how much I have learned through traveling , and how much experiencing other cultures and places makes you grow as a person. I remember the desire I had to travel when I was little, and how I dreamed of going to Africa to help people and to see the Eiffel Tower.
Traveling going to other countries the cultures is learning. It makes us realize that life isn't the same outside of our little box. It opens us up to new ideas, new experiences. It gives us a passion for people. And for this little girl who jumped up and down when she had her first homework assignment, that makes me excited quite excited.
So I love my major, even if i have to deal with stupid politics.

Scotland

So my trip to Scotland has come and went
and in some ways it was my least favorite trip, and in some ways it was my favorite.
It was my favorite because I didn't have the distractions, the fanfare, the fluff. I was merely in Scotland, and that was my focus: being in Scotland. And it made me almost cry when I left. I got to see the people in a different light, I saw the need there in a different light. And part of me wants to go back this very moment. But in a way this trip also made my desire for adventure grow. I want to see other parts of the world, to help them, to show them Jesus.

Scotland is only 17 days away.I am so so so so so very excited. So excited I could cry

thoughts brought on by a new passport.......

So I got my new passport today, and it made me so so very excited. I can't believe I am actually getting to go to Scotland... again. God is so Good

I couldn't help but think of my first trip to Scotland today. And think of how it taught me to be more brave and more myself. In a way it made going to CCU a possibility. And now I sit here a CCU student about to go again in 33 days. It's really really funny how God works.

I also can't help but dream of where this passport will take me. It is the passport I will use fro my age now to 31, and I can't help but think this one will probably have the most stamps in it. And that is so so very exciting.

Just to let everyone know, when I got my passport I jumped up and down in the mail room.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others, we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as ourselves. The Cost of Discipleship

I can no longer condemn or hate a brother [or sister] for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me. His face that hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me is transformed through intercession into the countenance of a brother for whom Christ died. Life Together

The followers of Christ have been called to peace. . . . And they must not only have peace but also make it. And to that end they renounce all violence and tumult. In the cause of Christ nothing is to be gained by such methods. . . . His disciples keep the peace by choosing to endure suffering themselves rather than inflict it on others. They maintain fellowship where others would break it off. They renounce hatred and wrong. In so doing they over-come evil with good, and establish the peace of God in the midst of a world of war and hate. The Cost of Discipleship

a honest post..

So I love Colorado, to be honest I think it's my favorite place I have ever lived and I have quite a lot to choose from. But there's part of me deep inside that occasionally misses Georgia. And I wonder why. I love Colorado, to the point where I feel sometimes like it's the perfect place for me to live. and to be honest it wasn't until the last 4 years that Cobb County even felt like home.And then I went to shorter and never felt so out of place in the south in my life.

I think more than anything is no matter your feeling for a place, the longer you live somewhere, the more it becomes your home. The environment you are in always shapes what you become, and this environment includes culture. The people you are surrounded by , even if there not friends, become your community. And well this takes time, lots of time, it defiantly took time for this to happen in Georgia. And i guess part of me is tired of the process, the process of being new and becoming not new.
But then I remember how rewarding it is. I feel like I have people in both Georgia, and New Jersey, who are like a second family and I know will always be part of my life even if it is only memories. I'm starting to feel this way about Colorado. I'm ready to feel all the way like Colorado is a home, and not just an awesomely fantastic place I get to live

by the way just to let everyone know this is no way a reflection on CCU, I actually thought a couple time this week about how so much of what I dreamed CCU is like, is really true

I haven't made a decision its just 52 48 now hehe

so right now I'm leaning towards not studying abroad, and to be honest it hurts even to say that Studying abroad is a big reason why I decided I did not want to go to school for nursing
But ever since I went skiing a little more than a week ago, I can't stop thinking about how much i sincerly want to be a camp counselor this summer.
Not a ton of people know this about me but being a camp counselor is the only thing I wanted to be throughout my life and not just in parts of it. Growing up going to camp somehow I always managed to get some of the best counselors in the camp. Camp, outdoor church services at Gahgee's, Boot camp in high school all impacted my faith the most. And a desire has grown within me to share everything I learned through the outdoors with others.
but still part of me just wants to go to the uk.......

P.S If anybody reading this knows of any christian camps in the uk I could be a counselor at please contact me kimberly.joy.mac@gmail.com

wow, one of many stories

http://cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2010/01/23/lavandera.trapped.5.days.cnn

a little insight about my last post

So for the past year or so i have felt like my two of my biggest loves are in a conflict my love for other cultures, missions and my love for the outdoors.
And yes I know it's possible they could be all rolled into one but for for some reason because that seems so far away I have never been able to quite grasp it.
Part of my wants to live in Colorado forever working with people outside ministering to them hence the reason why I'm minoring in outdoor leadership
Part of me wants to live in Scotland ministering to people hence the reason my major is global studies
I know someday God will show me how these two things fit together but in the mid time I remain confused.

poll of honest opinion for all who might happen to read

Should I
1 not study abroad next fall knowing I could in the summer or do missions stuff immediately after graduation. and be a camp counselor somewhere this summer
2 study abroad

i think I have a problem......

I think i just joined my 3rd, yes my 3rd ministry at CCU.
I'm officially in love with volunteering
or maybe its just that I'm in love with people, but I think we all already knew that
Tonight I spent hanging out with the homeless or might as well be homeless( they live in an apartment type shelter not sure of the whole deal)
and for one thing it dramatically changed my view of homeless people.
Everyone I'm pretty sure could read and some of the people were probably ten times smarter than me
most people seemed like they were not drunk or high
There was one guy who if I had passed him on the street I would of been sure he was your average joe. But no he was homeless. He just moved here from san diego and something happened with his apartment so now for the first time in his life he's homeless
For the most part the people I meet were either just old hippies who has a vision of the way they wished the world would be and it didn't quite fit out culture's perception of normal or for some it almost seemed the streets is where they found community. They only person who seemed self conscious about there situation at all was the guy from san diego.
In a way I learned something from the homeless last night, that community is of uptmost importance.

have I ever mentioned I love CS lewis

( Elaine inspired me to start blogging more frequently again)

Prudence means practical common sense, taking the trouble to think out what you are doing and what is likely to come of it. Nowadays most people hardly think of Prudence as one of the 'virtues'. In fact, because Christ said we could only get into His world by being like children, many Christians have the idea that, provided you are 'good,' it does not matter being a fool. But that is a misunderstanding. In the first place, most children show plenty of 'prudence' about doing the things they are really interested in, and think them out quite sensibly. In the second place, as St Paul points out, Christ never meant that we were to remain children in intelligence: on the contrary. He told us to be not only 'as harmless as doves.' but also 'as wise as serpents'. He wants a child's heart, but a grown-up's head. He wants us to be simple, single-minded, affectionate, and teachable, as good children are; but He also wants every bit of intelligence we have to be alert at its job, and in first-class fighting trim. The fact that you are giving money to a charity does not mean that you need not try to find out whether that charity is a fraud or not. The fact that what you are thinking about is God Himself (for example, when you are praying) does not mean that you can he content with the same babyish ideas which you had when you were a five-year-old. It is, of course, quite true that God will not love you any the less, or have less use for you, if you happen to have been born with a very second-rate brain. He has room for people with very little sense, but He wants every one to use what sense they have. The proper motto is not 'Be good, sweet maid, and let who can be clever,' but 'Be good, sweet maid, and don't forget that this involves being as clever as you can.' God is no fonder of intellectual slackers than of any other slackers. If you are thinking of becoming a Christian, I warn you you are embarking on something which is going to take the whole of you, brains and all. But, fortunately, it works the other way round. Anyone who is honestly trying to be a Christian will soon find his intelligence being sharpened: one of the reasons why it needs no special education to be a Christian is that Christianity is an education itself. That is why, an uneducated believer like Bunyan was able to write a book that has astonished the whole world.

I think in a way a lot of my preferences for churches and christian schools I choose come from the ideas shared in this quote. I'm not sure why. Maybe part of it is because I have grown up being a christian and after a while you need solid food to chew on. But even more I think it comes from God creating us in his image. He gave us gifts and talents not so we could ignore them or use them where it was easy , but so we could use them for his Glory. For we are the only person God has created to be ourselves. We are not called to be mediocre, go with the tide type people, instead we are created to make difference.