The Future

Okay so as anyone who has been at UrbanPromise or has hung out with me in the past 6 months knows, I've been struggling with the future BIG time.  There is so much that I want to do and well what seems like little guidance on what I should do.
Which is scary for a girl that feels like God has very clearly lead her to different places the past 5 year. USP, CCU, UP God showed up and clearly pushed me to go the places he sent me.
 But I'm doing better now
Thanks to a wonderful intern from my study abroad program I started reading this book called Just Do something. and well it made me look at the whole thing differently. I've started to look at how God has made me, what are the desires he has placed in my heart. In a nutshell what makes sense for me to do next, here is a list of things I have come up with:

1. International, I LOVED studying in college and God has given me this huge heart for the world, I feel like I am not being faithful if I am not using it. The best way I can describe it is it's like having a gift and love of singing, and never worshiping God with song. 
2. Relationships, Wherever I am I must be able to grow in relationship and have a true Christlike community.
3. Location, Preferably Denver, near Birmingham, or international, but I'll go ANYWHERE for the right opportunity
4. I want to join people together, I want to seek reconciliation 
5. I want to learn, I want to live a lifestyle of learning, always finding out new things, always seeking to understand the world around me further

So there it is,  now here is finding out what this looks like ... let the adventure begin

Last year I read this book called Good News about Injustice and this book impacted my faith in ways I am still learning, but one of its biggest impacts was how it called my heart to action.
In Scripture Micah has a vision and in this vision it is asked God what is pleasing to you, God how are you most glorified and God says he is most glorifed when we
Do Justice, Love Kindness, And Walk humly with him
In the old testament just the definition of rightousness is a call for persuing justice,
this is becoming the cry of my heart. To possily impact the world in helping it see that we might be more alike then it thinks. To make enemies friends To bring reconciliation, to bring peace. To share the crazy love of Christ

Confessions of a nonvoter

 I didn't vote
Yes I did not vote in the presidental election. Yes a Dominion and CCU alumni, who has been taught the importance of voting since birth didn't vote.
And well as much as I make excuses that I didn't pick a candidate on time, I did it on purpose.
For one the lesser of two evils is still evil.

What is a person to do when she has so many strong beliefs that land on every side of the political spectrum suppossed to do?
I was taught through out school that we should vote for the person who we we believe in who we think should be running our country, and looking out for the greater good. What do we do when we do not see this person?
So it is said we choose the best we can, making sure above all else we choose. But I can't do that I voted in the last election for what I believed to be the lesser of two evils and very much regretted my decision a year later (not to say my person won).  I believe when you vote your are holding part of the responsibility of putting someone in office. And well how could I say put this person in office, when I didn't even want them to be in office in the first place.
So I didn't vote
 I used the freedom that God has given me, and I didn't vote, because I know NO MATTER who wins, and what happens in this country my hope and trust will be placed in God alone.
Pray for the Nation
Pray that Gods will will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Pray for the World and all the rulers and people in it.

Okay here is a real honest blog
When I returned from Uganda, well even in the amsterdam airport, my heart was so happy to be in the west, among our affluence that I quickly decided in my heart that I was never called to live in Uganda again. This decision became even clearer, when I saw my family and loved being with them, and reflected over the past few months there. I was so happy to be home, I literally hardly even talked about Uganda for three months. but well there is something about Uganda that get's inside of you, and while I was there I changed as a person.
But still the idea of living in Uganda wasn't for me. There were lot's of reasons, but lets just say I was pretty convinced that the idea of living in Uganda wasn't for me.
That is until this summer. For the first time since I've been home I spent time with Ugandans, one of them Moses was getting married (to a girl from the Uganda Studies Programme!!) and his Mom came to the camps and sang, and gave her story of sorts. I had no idea any of this would be happening. I had recently gotten back from somewhere, was standing in the kitchen and once of the interns Salima came in and said Kim you will want to see this and lead me into the big room. A few seconds later the Ugandans in the room all started to sing Ugandan songs, and a big large lump appeared in my throat. It was as if for a moment part of my soul returned home. And since that day I have not been able to get Uganda out of my head. Also my biggest reason for not going to Uganda long term was I felt like I couldn't connect with the people, but now after this summer I have 5 close Ugandan friends.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all of this, Will you pray with me?
I just know one thing, during time like this all i know is I want to be where GOD wants me to be

If I was going to really describe my summer. Well it would take forever. But well I knew from the moment that I got here that this place is like a family, that this place is special.
So let's start with describing what a say in the life of Kim looks like right now. Well To start I live in a house with 14 people in all, 10 girls 4 guys. It can get crazy. But well we are all big fans of quality time, so there are many special moments. Nights are often filled with meaningful conversation that goes late into the night.
The Staff here also really encourages each other in our relationship with God. And well that has been pretty incredible. I feel challenged in my faith for the first time in a long time.
I have also really enjoyed working with the high schools. I never thought I would be doing high school ministry. But I love it so much!!!!
Okay that was really short. I just can't write anymore without writing a book.
Things to pray for
energy ( we get tired, and we literally never stop)
continued harmony in my house
A meaningful last couple weeks ( for the summer, I'm coming back for the school year)
helping them develop the outdoor program in the near future

Hopefully I will find time to write on here in the future, but no promises.

Both in Mumbai

Am I the only person who does not see something wrong with this?

OUCH!

During the George W. Bush administration, public opinion of America declined in most European countries. A Pew Global Attitudes Project poll showed "favourable opinions" of America between 2000 and 2006 dropping from 83% to 56% in the United Kingdom, from 62% to 39% in France, from 78% to 37% in Germany and from 50% to 23% in Spain.^[75]

I've been sitting here thinking about college all day, and how I have changed and how I have grown.
And I've realized something, the best thing college has done for me is that It has not only taught me to be me, but it has taught me to love the real me.
a me that isn't trying to shove herself into a box anymore, because I've realized life just goes better when I don't fit
I think about high school me, the me that was desperately trying to be like the other girls in cobb county, so that i could have friends. I was a cheerleader, I wore Ralph Lauren and pearls with my tee shirt. None of those things are bad, but I wasn't being me.  Somehow I had gone from the girl in elementary school who refused to wear any logos because I believed I was advertising. To the girl who was afraid to wear anything without a logo
I was lost, I needed to be found.
God found me, he met me where I was at
Sometimes I wonder how I have changed so much. Sometimes I just have to shake my head.  The girl who wouldn't go out of the house without eyeliner, only wears mascara now. The girl who wanted a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and her dream job as a cheerleading coach now wants to see the world.
God has made me into a new creation in college and I couldn't be more thankful. He taught me how to be me, the living contradiction.  Isn't life fun :)

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.

-Wendall Berry

In a week.......
When people ask me where I go to school ( like they will because I look so young) I will have to awkwardly tell them I'm a college graduate
I will read books for fun
I will no longer be my year in school but my age
college students will start to seem younger than me
I will be one step further to being a grown up 
I will never write a paper again (unless Redcliffe or and medical degree decides to woo me)
I will not have a Mrs degree and I will be perfectly happy with that fact
I will leave the  the friends I spent nights praying for in high school
The world will be at my footsteps and I will be ready to take it on

thank you college

“God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them.”
― Bono

All semester in management Cyphers (my outdoor leadership professor) has been asking us what is the issue that makes you weep, makes you pound your fist on the table. It's a hard question. There are a lot of things that make me weep, there are a lot of thing I want to change. But well I've been learning lately that the issue that make me weep more than any other one is the Church being the church. As Gandhi once said us Christians are so unlike our Christ. His ministry was highlighted centered around love, condemning the religious pharisees of the day that lacked love, but we have become religious pharisees. Blaming our falling nature when we mess up ourselves, but condemning others when they mess up. We want so much grace, but we rarely give it to others. Love must become central, for as Jesus said are the laws and the Prophets hang on the commandment to love our God with our whole heart, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

What God cares the most about is our heart. Its why scripture tells us that  if we say we hate a man, it is the same as murdering him. There is plenty more examples. God wants to be our EVERYTHING. He wants to change us until we become mirrors of him to this lost, hurt, and broken world. We have to be his hands and his feet, above all it is our calling. We don't follow rules and empty ritual we follow Christ and we let him TRANSFORM us to be the people we were created to be.

T-Shirts
by Derek Webb
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare

they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs
they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn’t that why Jesus died
not to make us think we’re right

chorus
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it’s the how and it’s the why
we live and breathe and we die

they’ll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can’t seem to unify
because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style
or we’ll walk right down that aisle
and just leave ‘em all behind

they’ll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God’s words to cheap clichés
says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave

chorus
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars
beneath these t-shirts that we wear

I am not a universalist. I just don't believe it's scriptural. Gods has told us that the path to heaven is narrow. But the Evangelical backlash against Evangelical Universalism makes me mad.
Because well it makes me wonder if they got to heaven and God said You guys I'm greater and more merciful that you would imagine, I'm saving those that did not accept me, they would be upset.
Thoughts?
Deeper theological thoughts?

The past few months it is like God has taken my heart and has reshaped it. i feel on fire for him, on fire for the world around me.  Scotland is still on my hear but so are the cities in the US, Africa, Europe, Asia. (sorry south of the border, not really there but knowing me and God you will be on my heart soon). God's giving me this heart for the Urban, the cities, the people there, and the life that happens there.  One this I  realized when I was walking around Denver  on Saturday, is that I have always loved being in cities. From the time I was a little kid I have always looked forward to going into Atlanta and Philadelphia.  I have loved traveling around cities during my Dad's marathons as much as I love skiing down a snow covered slope.
I am finding freedom, even more freedom to be the person God has made to be. Freedom to be the in love with the outdoors, in love with cities, girly, tomboy,................... me. Thank You God, you are good

In a lot of ways me choosing Scotland is me giving up Adventure, the world. Seeing all I can see. Which after finding out I didn't have to shove myself into a box has become part of my identity.
But the thing is, after the past year and thinking of saying goodbye to friends at the end of the year....again. I'm starting to realize it might not necessarily a bad thing. There is also a thought that if I'm away in a lot of different places it won't be as hard to be away from family.  But fear should not dictate my lifestyle. SO I'm saying God, if you want to take my adventure you can take it, I'll be okay, but God if you want me to keep it I'll go wherever you want me to go. More then anything God I want to live for you, I want you to be my everything, it is all in your hands.

okay last night I though I would post some post that I never posted when i was in Uganda, but the put them as yesterdays date, figuring out soon!!!

I hate anti malarials

So I found out every thing that has bothered me here
joint pain
nausea
stomach ache
things that happen when you have a stomach ache
is because of anti-malarials

The closer it gets to leaving the more special Uganda becomes

It's funny, When I first got here I honestly would of jumped up and down if you told me I got to go home in 4 1/2 weeks and now just the thought brings a lump in my throat. In a way I skipped the honeymoon phase of culture shock, and went almost directly to the rejection phase, so my whole time here has been focus on acceptance, not regaining a silly emotional high that I had at the beginning of the trip. And for me this is a good thing a very good thing. I am a person who gets overly excited way to easily, and well once I have experienced euphoria i seems like something is wrong if it is no longer there.
But this journey of acceptance, well has made me realize for one thing if God ever called me to Uganda long term I could not only do it but also enjoy it.

SO today I went and got away and spent time at a pool at the hotel in town. It was so good to get away and be in the sun and the water.
Me and my heart are fully settled in Uganda, right now I'm thinking I probably wont live here again, but I know I could and that's a good feeling. It's nice to be able to call a country that's not your home country a home away from home, it's nice to feel fully comfortable.
The weird thing though is my time is almost up I have only 5 weeks left which means I only have 1/3 of my time left. And there going to be full.
We had an assignment this week to reflect over are time here, and set goals for our time left.

God's been bringing something up in my heart lately.
and I really don't know where to go with it but He had been asking me, to ask myself... Do you feel called  to not do missions in the developing world because I have called you somewhere else, or is your heart in the developing world and you feel like you can't go there because Europe needs missionaries too and your willing, or do you feel pressured to go to the developing world because of culture pressure when I have made it clear your supposed to go to europe
I know this is part of the process of God confirming my call, but it's a question that I keep on playing over and over again in my head. Any Perspective?

I just signed up for a reunion of my study abroad program, I'm pretty excited.
But it makes me remember, and well it makes me realize how much I have truly changed since August 24th, 2010.
While I'm still me, everything seems different,  my outlook on life is different, my outlook on my faith is different, my outlook on the world is different, and I couldn't be more thankful.  Thankful, because as far away as God sometimes felt when I was there, that semester abroad taught me what it means to follow him. I went there blindly, and in many ways I left blindly, not understanding the real purpose. But as time has passed, this purpose has become clearer. I'm thankful that I see things from an international point of view now, and that it taught me that life is not always how i see it. I'm glad for the way it made me focus on integrity and principles, instead  rules and appearances. It almost feels like God has taken my heart and has given it a new color. The structure is the same, but it looks and feels completely different.

"Never be afraid to trust your unknown future
to a Known God"
-Corrie Ten Boom

Top Friends

you know when myspace was big and everyone had their "top friends", when being the friendless high schooler I was this just made me furious and left out.
I didn't have anyone to put on my top friends, because I frankly didn't have any friends. No true friendships anyways, no friendships out side of my family.
It's why my one prayer for college was God let me have friends, I spent countless nights praying for friends, true friends. The kind of friendships that change you at your very soul.
And now I sit here 5 years later with not just one true friendship, but many. God's plans really are amazing, they really are better than we could dream.

God's has been working in my life in pretty crazy ways lately. Honestly I don't remember a time in my life where I have felt so close to God, and so in sync  with God's plan for my life. He is moving and he is moving big time.  Every step I feel his presence. I don't know why God moves in my life so much before graduation, but he does this happened in high school too. But this time is different he's teaching me the
“If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full.”
― John Piper
He's getting me ready for the missions field, silly scatterbrained me. Oh he is so very Good, his plans though sometimes hard  are better than we could ever imagine.

“Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.”
― Mark Jenkins

 “To move, to breath, to fly, to float,
To gain all while you give,
To roam the roads of lands remote,
To travel is to live.”
― Hans Christian Andersen
SO i just watched many episodes of Amazing Race. See I wrote a paper. needed to relax before bed, and then I couldn't stop relaxing.  Gods put this huge love in my heart for the world. A desire that has strengthened  every year I've been at CCU. And now I've realized that God has not only been leading my heart, but he has also been preparing me. Preparing me to move to Europe and minister there. It's pretty crazy and every second I feel lead there, my response is always God you called me? me? But we serve a crazy amazing God. A God who has plans for us that our better than are craziest dreams.

Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be
(not from a christian band but the lead singer of the band is a christian, I can't help but think that he was thinking of God when he wrote this line)

Missions, Europe, Scotland won this weekend. They won this weekend on probably one of my favorite outdoor leadership trips. They won, because I realized they have the potential of bringing outdoors in. Colorado will never be Europe. I love colorado, I love the mountains. But well there is something greater out there. There is the dream that when I found it changed my life forever. The place that highlights everything that makes me.. me. The journey I feel like I was made to go on. If this isn't what calling feels like, then I don't know what would

"Jesus was called a friend of sinners, relentlessy pursuing the downtrodden. What an irony that today his followers are seen in the opposite light! How can people love God whom they can't see, if those of us who claim to represent him don't respond to outsiders with his love?"
- unchristian

I'm reading for Global Engagement right now. and the more I read the more I realize that it is restoring my hope back to God, something I never knew I lost.
But I saw the suffering and I think somewhere in my subconscious I wondered where were you God? Where were you during the Rwandan Genocide? Are you with the children with swollen bellies? Why don't you stop it? Why have you given me so much, when others have so little?
I knew God was good, I knew he loved me, but I forgot God was just, I forgot that God wants to show his love to the whole world through his people, it started to feel like a self struggle I made up myself.
I forgot that God tells us that he is in the places on earth where the darkness reigns. And I forgot that the reason I feel called to missions is because God is calling me to be his hands and his feet in these areas. In the areas of Scotland where rates of SAD and depression are so high that elementary schools have posters about depression, God has called me to help bring his joy. For the first time in a long time, I feel on fire for what God wants me to do in the future. I feel purpose; I feel mission. All from a book on social justice. Glenn Beck I never liked you much anyway, but by making social justice a curse word you have done the the church great harm.

I feel weird admitting this, because it's not something a 23 year old almost 24 girl is supposed to feel.
It's also scary because I don't want to be this way my whole life. because I want to be a mom, it's honestly my dream career. The only one I've wanted to do since I was 3.

but God's been teaching me the pleasures of singleness lately, and he's been giving me this huge desire to help other girls on this journey. Paul tried to tell us that it's better to be single, and while I don't believe it's an all accomplishing verse. The man has a point. I know for this next stage of my life, my single college graduate stage its a very very very good thing I'm single. I'm a free bird, I can literally go and do whatever I can go and do with the resources I have available to me. I don't have to worry about how it will effect a boyfriend, I don't have have to hope and pray that a husband would be feeling the same call (though that is a wonderful way of accountability). I can devote everything within me

I'm kind of a free spirit you might say, something flipped in my brain sometime between the end of high school and the beginning of CCU and I really don't mind thinking differently then those around me. It's been the distinguishing feature of my college career actually. as I've said before most of time in class is spent feeling like the most liberal or the most conservative person there. I lean towards Calvinism at a school where it's pretty unheard of. But the thing is after awhile thinking for yourself and forming your own opinions gets a little lonely. I start to wonder sometime if there is anyone that thinks like me in the state of Colorado. Days like last year when Sarah Palin came to town were especially hard.
But then there are other days, days that the other people who think for themselves talk up in class. They vent their frustration, and say what the bible tells them even if it isn't the popular opinion. These days my soul breathes a sigh of relief, and I get a better picture of what it means to be the body of Christ. Because my automatic reaction isn't being defensive, because it isn't the same old, same old. I become inspired to grow closer to God and to make a difference in the world. I learn.
Thank you God for today.

God has been teaching me a lot lately about what it means to live for him, and stand up for truth in this world (read my earlier post from last year about shorter which explains in more detail). But the thing he keeps on reminding me, is that we can't pick and choose what commands we want to follow. We must follow the law, but we also must love, we must reach out to those in need, we must live simply, we must be Jesus' hands and feet in this broken and hurting world. We must love God with all whole hearts, and our neighbor as our self. When we do this everything else falls in place.
We don't sin as a way to follow God, but when we devote everything in our live in our being to God obedience, love is a result is a lesson God keeps on teaching me

a Ugandan friend passed away today, due to a motorcycle accident. Please keep everyone that knew him in your prayers.

Fearfully and wonderfully made

http://vimeo.com/35372448
There's a movement at my school this week called the beauty movement. Where girls at my school are abstaining from makeup, from jewelry, and from dressing up in order to focus on inner beauty.
Because I'm a pretty natural girl, I really wasn't planning on going out of my way to participate. But I was planning on not wearing makeup.
Well my plans changed this morning when i realized how hard it was for me to not pay a lot of attention to what I was wearing, and not wear mascara. So I threw on old clothes, my glasses and went to class. Not trying to look unkempt, but not putting any effort into it either and decided to fully participate.
I want to support this movement. anyone who knows about this blog should also know my testimony. My testimony of feeling completely alone in high school. I am still learning the effects this had on my self esteem, on my feelings of inadequacy. But God rescued me from these feelings, and changed my life. He showed me the beautiful person that he created me to be. He showed me how special I am, and gave me greater friends then I could ever imagine in college. He gave me freedom
I have also seen the pressures that society puts on women to be beautiful terrorize people close to me. So I desire to pray for the girls who truly need this week that they also find the freedom that they seek. The freedom to know that God made them beautiful just they way they are. To know that beauty doesn't come from from our efforts but from our heart. Friends and family: will you join me?

I just got back from a weekend with friends. Most of these friends I have known for my whole time at CCU. Friends where you don't have to worry about getting to know each other, because your past that stage. Friends where you simply get to be friends, no need to impress. It's something I haven't experienced much with the wandering I do, and it was beyond refreshing. It was also a weekend of goodbyes for one of my first CCU apartmentmates and dear friends Larissa was saying goodbye before moving back home to Indiana.

College Graduation is a weird thing. because your not going to have the same hometown, and see each other for holidays. But college friends, well they are deeper then high school friends. and the friendships that are deep are friends for life, I have seen it with my own parents. So I've decided this is not a semester of goodbyes but of see you laters. Its kind of fun actually. College is a time of dreaming and preparing for the future. It's fun to see friends actually getting there.

When ever someone dies skiing it breaks my heart, this one especially. She truly was an outstanding freestyle skier, glad she passed away doing what she loved

Why my heart aches for Europe

.

So I'll admit it
I was dreading going back to school
I'm frankly over it, over CCU (though I still love parts of it), over the drama and cliquishness that fills christian colleges (don't even get me started)
Tired of a lot of stuff tired of a lot of stuff I won't talk about here.
but well God is good
and maybe just maybe this will be one of my favorite semesters.
I know it's off to a pretty good start
time to push through, but also take time to embrace and smell the roses.
Time to be intentional, intentional about following God and helping others in their journey.
being a college graduate is less then 5 months away, time to embrace the present!

god's been working in my heart big time lately thanks to many things
- a trip to see my sister
-finding the path I believe he's directing me towards
-finally going skiing
-finding peace
My life was a mess last semester it seems like
I was far away from things that makes me: me(aka mountains), just trying to do something i frankly keep on feeling pulled away from
It's not God's plan for me to go the uk next year because my friends I have big girl lessons to learn and I need to support myself in this journey
he's been slowly revealing that from day one
but my heart is so excited, so very excited for where I'll be in a year and a half.
And part of the reason it's so exciting is I'm starting to realize for the first time in many years, having to make friends isn't scary.
I feel pulled to this like I felt pulled to CCU and to Uganda, it's the path God's telling me to go on, no looking back. 1 semester and away I go!!!