thank you college

“God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them.”
― Bono

All semester in management Cyphers (my outdoor leadership professor) has been asking us what is the issue that makes you weep, makes you pound your fist on the table. It's a hard question. There are a lot of things that make me weep, there are a lot of thing I want to change. But well I've been learning lately that the issue that make me weep more than any other one is the Church being the church. As Gandhi once said us Christians are so unlike our Christ. His ministry was highlighted centered around love, condemning the religious pharisees of the day that lacked love, but we have become religious pharisees. Blaming our falling nature when we mess up ourselves, but condemning others when they mess up. We want so much grace, but we rarely give it to others. Love must become central, for as Jesus said are the laws and the Prophets hang on the commandment to love our God with our whole heart, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

What God cares the most about is our heart. Its why scripture tells us that  if we say we hate a man, it is the same as murdering him. There is plenty more examples. God wants to be our EVERYTHING. He wants to change us until we become mirrors of him to this lost, hurt, and broken world. We have to be his hands and his feet, above all it is our calling. We don't follow rules and empty ritual we follow Christ and we let him TRANSFORM us to be the people we were created to be.

T-Shirts
by Derek Webb
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare

they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs
they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn’t that why Jesus died
not to make us think we’re right

chorus
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it’s the how and it’s the why
we live and breathe and we die

they’ll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can’t seem to unify
because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style
or we’ll walk right down that aisle
and just leave ‘em all behind

they’ll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God’s words to cheap clichés
says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave

chorus
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars
beneath these t-shirts that we wear

I am not a universalist. I just don't believe it's scriptural. Gods has told us that the path to heaven is narrow. But the Evangelical backlash against Evangelical Universalism makes me mad.
Because well it makes me wonder if they got to heaven and God said You guys I'm greater and more merciful that you would imagine, I'm saving those that did not accept me, they would be upset.
Thoughts?
Deeper theological thoughts?

The past few months it is like God has taken my heart and has reshaped it. i feel on fire for him, on fire for the world around me.  Scotland is still on my hear but so are the cities in the US, Africa, Europe, Asia. (sorry south of the border, not really there but knowing me and God you will be on my heart soon). God's giving me this heart for the Urban, the cities, the people there, and the life that happens there.  One this I  realized when I was walking around Denver  on Saturday, is that I have always loved being in cities. From the time I was a little kid I have always looked forward to going into Atlanta and Philadelphia.  I have loved traveling around cities during my Dad's marathons as much as I love skiing down a snow covered slope.
I am finding freedom, even more freedom to be the person God has made to be. Freedom to be the in love with the outdoors, in love with cities, girly, tomboy,................... me. Thank You God, you are good

In a lot of ways me choosing Scotland is me giving up Adventure, the world. Seeing all I can see. Which after finding out I didn't have to shove myself into a box has become part of my identity.
But the thing is, after the past year and thinking of saying goodbye to friends at the end of the year....again. I'm starting to realize it might not necessarily a bad thing. There is also a thought that if I'm away in a lot of different places it won't be as hard to be away from family.  But fear should not dictate my lifestyle. SO I'm saying God, if you want to take my adventure you can take it, I'll be okay, but God if you want me to keep it I'll go wherever you want me to go. More then anything God I want to live for you, I want you to be my everything, it is all in your hands.

okay last night I though I would post some post that I never posted when i was in Uganda, but the put them as yesterdays date, figuring out soon!!!

I hate anti malarials

So I found out every thing that has bothered me here
joint pain
nausea
stomach ache
things that happen when you have a stomach ache
is because of anti-malarials

The closer it gets to leaving the more special Uganda becomes

It's funny, When I first got here I honestly would of jumped up and down if you told me I got to go home in 4 1/2 weeks and now just the thought brings a lump in my throat. In a way I skipped the honeymoon phase of culture shock, and went almost directly to the rejection phase, so my whole time here has been focus on acceptance, not regaining a silly emotional high that I had at the beginning of the trip. And for me this is a good thing a very good thing. I am a person who gets overly excited way to easily, and well once I have experienced euphoria i seems like something is wrong if it is no longer there.
But this journey of acceptance, well has made me realize for one thing if God ever called me to Uganda long term I could not only do it but also enjoy it.

SO today I went and got away and spent time at a pool at the hotel in town. It was so good to get away and be in the sun and the water.
Me and my heart are fully settled in Uganda, right now I'm thinking I probably wont live here again, but I know I could and that's a good feeling. It's nice to be able to call a country that's not your home country a home away from home, it's nice to feel fully comfortable.
The weird thing though is my time is almost up I have only 5 weeks left which means I only have 1/3 of my time left. And there going to be full.
We had an assignment this week to reflect over are time here, and set goals for our time left.

God's been bringing something up in my heart lately.
and I really don't know where to go with it but He had been asking me, to ask myself... Do you feel called  to not do missions in the developing world because I have called you somewhere else, or is your heart in the developing world and you feel like you can't go there because Europe needs missionaries too and your willing, or do you feel pressured to go to the developing world because of culture pressure when I have made it clear your supposed to go to europe
I know this is part of the process of God confirming my call, but it's a question that I keep on playing over and over again in my head. Any Perspective?

I just signed up for a reunion of my study abroad program, I'm pretty excited.
But it makes me remember, and well it makes me realize how much I have truly changed since August 24th, 2010.
While I'm still me, everything seems different,  my outlook on life is different, my outlook on my faith is different, my outlook on the world is different, and I couldn't be more thankful.  Thankful, because as far away as God sometimes felt when I was there, that semester abroad taught me what it means to follow him. I went there blindly, and in many ways I left blindly, not understanding the real purpose. But as time has passed, this purpose has become clearer. I'm thankful that I see things from an international point of view now, and that it taught me that life is not always how i see it. I'm glad for the way it made me focus on integrity and principles, instead  rules and appearances. It almost feels like God has taken my heart and has given it a new color. The structure is the same, but it looks and feels completely different.

"Never be afraid to trust your unknown future
to a Known God"
-Corrie Ten Boom