In the silence of the midwinter dusk, there is far off in the deeps of it somewhere a sound so faint that for all you can tell it may be the sound of the silence itself. You hold your breath to listen. You walk up the steps to the front door. The empty windows at either side tell you nothing, or almost nothing. For a second you catch the whiff in the air of some fragrance that reminds you of a place that you have been and a time that you have no words for. You are aware of the beating of your heart. The extraordinary thing that is about to happen is matched only by the extraordinary moment just before it happens. Advent is the name of that moment.
-Frederick Buechner-

The time before I come home, the time before I see Elaine and Keith, the time before Christmas. My life is filled with waiting right now, But in this waiting I must be present, soaking up the extra ordinary time before the extraordinary event comes.

I am coming home in a little more then two weeks
I only have one weekend left in Mukono
two weeks ago seems like it was yesterday, August 23 seems like it was only a week ago.

In many ways I am so ready to be home I'm ready
to be near to family and friends
I'm ready to eat a butt load of fresh veggies
I'm ready for american church
I'm ready for cold weather, and christmas decorations
I'm ready for CCU and skiing
my Professors at CCU
warm showers

But I'm not ready to leave......
the wonderful USP community
street food
the wonderful Ugandans I have met
The toucan that greets me by banging on the window
the green beautiful landscape here
wearing sandals
the inexpensive prices
a more simple life, but hopefully I don't have to leave that one behind

I'm Thankful for

My Grandmom... she is having heart surgery next friday please pray for her, and I know I'm a little biased but I truly have one of the greatest grandmothers ever.

My family, how great they are, and How great they are to even let me travel all the way to Uganda, for their faith, their example, their gooberness

CCU I have realized this semester how special it truly is, and and CCU isn't for everyone, but I think it's the right fit for me. For it's theology, and the students, the craziness, how for the most part people believe what they do and do what they believe

USP and the wonderful people I have spent the last months with

UCU and the wonderful Ugandans I have met here

Mountains, oh my goodness they absolutely captured my heart last year, and my heart can't wait to return to them. I never knew a geographical feature could be so important- and thats coming from an outdoor leadership minor.

fresh crispy veggies

maybe my most honest post my whole time here

SO I thought I wanted to go home a few months ago, it was nothing compared today, except for the fact that if my family was here I would be perfectly content.
I woke up this morning and called home and got the news that my Gahgee was in the hospital and will have to have heart surgery in the near future. And I got to experience something, something that not everyone who participates in the USP program experience.
Dealing with family stuff over 8,000 miles from home, and having to rely on people who you haven't known for years and years. Not being with family to laugh, cry, and talk with, but feeling alone and completely disconnected. Not only from family at home but also the people who surround me. Sure people listened, but no one knows Gahgee, no one quite understands whats going on.
Theres a huge part of me that would do anything to be sitting with my parents in my Pappy and Grammy's living room, but I know there is a reason that God has me here right now, and I feel his comfort, and I will be home in a mere 3 weeks. I am having to rely on God a ton right now, but he is reminding me of something, that he is my rock and he is always there for me.

a little update

So another week has passed, and I am a week closer to coming home
It's super weird to think about
This weekend was The honor college reunion. See I live in the Honor's college at Uganda Christian University which is a group of leaders in the school, and this weekend the had an alumni dinner/ reunion. So we put our fanciest dresses on and drove to the nice section of Kampala where we were greeted with a nice elegant dinner. It made me realize how much UCU has truly become my home away from home, and think about all the amazing people I have met.
This week is quite the week in the expat community here. See we are going to have thanksgiving dinner, with over 60 people, all the Americans on campus coming to celebrate the day of thanks. And it will be super sad to not be near Family on this day, but I think that this will defiantly be the next best thing. And it will be interesting to think about being thankful in a different context then at home.

i only have a month left here- is the thought the pounds through my brain....
Where has time gone?
Wasn't I just at the Dulles airport hugging mommy goodbye?

wait I have been here forever haven't I...
Uganda seems so familiar....
I couldn't of gotten here a little more then three months ago....
this place is too familiar....


I can't wait to be home with my family....
I miss them so much...
I can't wait to be in Colorado in the snow skiing down the beautiful mountain slopes
but wait

leaving means leaving friends that have become so dear
it means leaving a country filled with people that will be a part of my heart forever, that most likely i will never return to
Oh the mixed emotions flow through my brain

writing a christmas list

I've been realizing the past couple of weeks that the biggest changes that have happened to me in Uganda wont be noticeable until I get home. There is so much that has become a part of everyday life here that is so abnormal in America, that I just know going back will be a shock, It will be good but shocking, and sudden.
I was just writing my Christmas list and it was a revealing experience- and honestly at least half of the list is stuff that 3 months ago I would of asked for or got for myself and it wouldn't of been special at all. Just stuff I "needed". Last Christmas I dreamed of a 400 dollar ski coat, and now I just felt so guilty just putting snow boots on my list because I have some, even though there starting to fall apart.
As I said in my last post Uganda has not given me a conviction that I need to sell everything I have and give it to the poor. I'll probably still shop at the stores I shop at. I don't feel guilty for owning a ski pass, actually I have less of a problem with spending the money for my pass now then I did in August. I am not condemning material things and planning to never spend money again. No instead I am more thankful, much more thankful and grateful. I have a new love for simplicity, and less.
Uganda has made me thankful for the simplest of things, I will never take hot showers and washers and dryers for granted again. It will be so weird to be able to drink water out of a bathroom sink, and not to be extra careful about swallowing while I brush my teeth. Life will seem different too, all the cars and lack of publicly available transportation. Driving to go to the grocery store in Lakewood will be weird because here it would be a short walk.

My life is never going to be quite the same in the Us, but this is not a bad thing. I'm excited. Excited to spend time with family and friend, excited to play in the mountains. I'm excited to be present in Colorado, not dreaming of the next big adventure, but soaking up the short time I have left at CCU. I'm excited to (hopefully) be in Upstate New York this summer, spending time there soaking in the familiarity, while having new experiences. I'm most excited though to spend time with family, something you become very thankful for when you are more then 8,127 miles from home.

For now though I'm going to be present in Uganda and soak up my last 5 weeks I have left.

Only 45 days left......

I am more than halfway through my time in Uganda. and that is so weird to think about and it brings forth so many emotions. Part of me wants to leave tomorrow, part of me wants to never leave. And the idea of saying goodbye to the people I have met already brings a lump in my throat.
I feel like I have learned a lot, changed so much, and then part of me wonders if I have changed at all. But looking back on old journal entries I know I have
The weird thing though is the changes Uganda has brought so far arent the changes I was expecting, I have seen poverty, I lived in it last week, I have seen community, I have seen many of the things I expected to. But it's not making me want to sell all my worldly possessions and live with the bare minimum. It is making me realize how blessed I am though, and how thankful I am. It's making me realize how much I love christian community, and the outdoors. Instead of changing me, it's almost like Uganda is strengthening me, giving me a push in the right direction.

by the way I can let you guys know about my plans for this summer now, and please be praying for me. See I have decided that I'm going to live with my wonderful Gahgee in the wonderful mountains of upstate New York this summer. But there is one important thing that is needed to make this happen, a job and well the whole point of this is a job in the outdoor industry. SO please be praying that doors are open and I find that job, because the whole process of even looking is so intimidating.