History ,
It's also been always apart of me
Growing up my favorite make believe game was not princess, or house. It was little women and titanic.
I was a pioneer girl for halloween
and a colonial girl
and a mexican girl in the 18 hundreds
I gobbled up the American girl dolls and books
and Laura Ingalls Wilder was my best friend
and well this love of history is part of the reason I love scotland so much.
I feel like the history there, well it's everywhere, and it pumps through my bones.
My heart Smiles when I'm in Scotland...
Why do I feel so drawn to the mountains....

I'm starting to think more and more, that I can't choose between the two. And that isn't what God wants me to do, that somewhere somehow, there is a third option, an option that will come with time.

You know that little place in your heart.
That place that when you do something, you know you are suppossed to do in for the rest of your life.
Well that's how I feel when I look at mountains, when I look at pine trees that scrape the sky, when I take a dip in a cold mountain lake.
I know I'm supposed to be outdoors.
It is the constant in my life, the one interest that has always been there.
The first trip my parents took me on was a camping trip
I'm the girl who played with salamanders when I was little.
Who built stick forts in middle school
Who spent countless hours playing in the creek behind my neighborhood
The thing is though I've always picked stuff over the outdoors.
I quit rangers because of cheerleading
and so on and so on...
but I'm done
and I don't want to do that again, I don't want to forget the outdoors, I want to spend my life in it unless God is directing me otherwise
but is he...?
Why do the mountains give me this constant feeling of rightness?
Why do I sometimes feel completely unqualified to work in the outdoors?

I go to Scotland, and i feel like myself, I think to myself this is who God created me to be.
I go skiing, and I feel like myself, I think to myself this is who God created me to be
but you know what, I can't do both things
I cant' live in Colorado and ski everyday, and live in Scotland and minster to youth. And the essence of what these things mean to me. Well It means that ministering to youth in Colorado wont cut it and that skiing in Scotland wont cut it either.
Sometimes I think moving to New Zealand is the answer, but I'm not sure of that either, incredible history isn't present there, It doesn't pump through my veins
Sometime I wish God would just point me in the right direction instead of sending me off in two different paths

We live in a word where being real is celebrated, where people hate fakeness. But are we really real?
Could we walk up to someone and honestly say, I talked behind your back, I said mean awful things, but I still want you to love me and be my best friend?
Can we honestly tell the people around us that we don't feel accepted?
What would happen if someone honestly told the you they were trying to fit themselves into a mold?
Or that they were selfish and looked out for there best interest?
But don't we all do this, we are one way to the world, we are a different way inside ourselves.
But I'm starting to think more and more that if we were open about our failures are shortcomings, our ....... sins...... We would be loving people more, we would be loving Jesus more.

Hi I'm Kim
I wonder sometimes if I was suppossed to go to nursing school, and I ignored it so I could play in the mountains
I constantly look for approval

.... What are you not open about? ......
It's hard to be transparent isn't it? But what would the world look like if we truly learned to be?

I have a confession to make
in the last two days (don't worry I hung out with people, studied, and went to church too)
I have watched probably 8 episodes of Grey's anatomy, I started and I couldn't stop
and I don't watch it for the story lines and love stories(their a bonus)
I watch it for the patient characters, and the medical information.
I forget how much I love the medical world, until I am exposed to it again.
And there's something deep inside of me that is dying to be a part of it.
But I also know I'm supposed to stay in Colorado, at CCU.
SO what does this mean for a Global studies- Outdoor leadership minor, I have no idea
During times like this I wonder why I'm at CCU, and not at Oklahoma City University, or Carson Newman in nursing school. I could of gotten into some nursing school, it wasn't impossible. So why did God lead me to CCU?
Is it so I could be exposed to Outdoor leadership, and get interested in wilderness medicine?
Am I completely wrong about this whole medical thing, is it suppossed to just be some crazy interest?
Could I even get into grad school for something related to medicine?

Reverse Culture shock hits

So in wichita, I thought I had doged reverse culture shock,
I didn't cry in target
I didnt feel out of place in my own home
I felt the same and my family felt the same
that is until I got back to ccu....
All the sudden I started to wonder when I became so different. I listened to my friends having conversations that they have had millions of times before, and I found myself wondering, whats the point?
I found myself craving conversations that mattered, conversations about things such as living simply, not about why something is bothering us. Conversations that help us follow God with all our hearts minds, strength and soul
My path I was on at CCU, went around a big bend this week and is now heading in a new direction.
Silly thing is, I am more excited for this semester then I have ever been before.

Last late night ramble of break...

I have realized lately that I feel missed at CCU,
and it is such a good feeling to feel missed. It doesnt happen very often to a person who moves around as much as I do, I almost wonder if I come with a WARNING do not get too attached she will go away soon, sticker pasted on my forehead. I havent given people the chance to miss me. Within two months of forming a friendship with a person, I usually give them news that I will leave soon and never come back, haha aren't I nice? That or as it was in Uganda, people meet me knowing I wont be there forever. Nope feeling missed isnt usually a feeling I feel, only really happened when I moved away from Marietta, and now) unless it was of course from my family

I have realized CCU is my home college, I looked and I looked and I finally found it.
So what if the published political views of the school drive me nutty, at least they are open about it and dont hide it like the majority of the schools in the nation ( yes I just called your school biased, sorry, actually not really)

That and well I'm excited for this semester, and wondering what it truly has in store, I sure hope it's a good one.

New years resolutions

(anybody reading this please hold me accountable)
To turn 90% of Watson papers in on time, and the rest within one day of due date

To turn in all my other papers on time

to not let it take 10 hours to write a four page paper, I've done this in 2 hours before, this needs to become the norm

To raise my GPA, if that's even possible

To eat more heathy foods, and get outside more, To go into the woods and suck the marrow out of life

To find a job in Upstate New York

To spend less time online

Possible, I sure hope so

SO I don't think I have ever been quite this excited for college to start.
For one thing I'm not totally new anymore. Although it does kind of feel like I'm transferring all over again, I'm not
I know people
I know the ropes
I know my professors
I'm excited to get back to the mountains, if its possible to be addicted to the mountains, I think I am. Oh my goodness being gone from them has left a hole in my heart
I'm excited to be back in the CCU community
I'm excited to be back at snappers
I am very very excited to be back at street church
I'm excited to see friends again
I'm very very excited to be back on the slopes
In many ways I feel like I am entering Phase two of my college career. Phase 1 was adjustment; adjustment to shorter (never completely happened), adjustment to Wichita (never happened), adjustment to CCU, and adjustment to Uganda.
Phase two is settling
If Uganda didnt beat the crazy adventurous desire out of me I dont think anything will, but I also have a new desire: the desire to be settled. I am excited to not only build new friendships, but deeper friendships. I'm excited for the actions in my life to not only take me to the next goal, but deeper more important goals in my life
Good bye and good riddance Phase One
Hello! Phase 2