a joyous journey

So I went to a reformed high school
where our dreams of a left behind return of Jesus were crushed
and we questioned stuff such as babies going to heaven
and if God hated people
(it was a bit extreme)
let's just say my whole class ran way from reformed theology super fast
Including me

I could not grasp he fact that a loving God would not choose to save some people. I thought all the reformed kids at my school were crazy for agreeing with this stuff. I still struggle with hell and God's love today

But the more as high school went on the more I was unable to deny the greatness of God.
Especially in the hardest times, his grace and love is still sovereign
I know the bible does not tell us that God causes bad things to happen, but God allows them to happen, they are in his will. And the more I started to understand God using bad things for his Glory, well I wasn't able to fit in my general common theology box anymore.
I started to struggle with Calvinism, and started to identify more and more with it.
but in many ways as much of a pun as this is, Calvinism started to choose me, I was running away from it with all my might.
but slowly I warmed up to the idea.

that is until I got to CCU
and then I went to Uganda
In these places it was as if
Calvinism was seen to be as much a part of Christianity as Buddhism is.
I felt like the solo Calvinist fish in a Armenian fish sea
and whenever I was open and talked about it, I might as well of been saying that I didn't believe in the trinity, that how much of a shocker it was.
so I forgot about my struggle
I hid it
I denied it
I stopped wrestling with it as much

then yesterday happened
when I finally visited one of the PCA (Presbyterian Church in America, the most conservative of the 2 main branches of Presbyterianism) churches in town
and I'm not kidding, it was like my soul breathed a sigh of relief.
and well I left church feeling closer to God, something that has not happened to me in a very long time
sure I have felt close to God over the past couple years, but it wasn't brought on by church, chapel yes, but not churches in Denver
and I'm still wrestling with Calvinism and other theological things, I still am a 3 1/2 point Calvinist but well I think I might of just found a place open to my struggling, and will help me find God's answers, not mans or the worlds
and provide me hope,
too bad next Sunday will be my last Sunday until august.
but I'm excited to see what next sunday brings