Is this supposed to be my next adventure after CCU
http://web.mac.com/ywampaisley/YWAM_Paisley/DTS.html?
or is it just some crazy dream that keeps on popping into my heart and becoming more and more like me, and well seeming like the answer to the fight in my brain.
Why does it seem so perfect for the dream I have of my life, but in a part of my heart it feels wrong
I don't want to be wrong
I don't want to not plan on going if God is calling me, oh no that would be dreadful
but if God is not calling me, it would be awful if I planned and stopped looking for the wonderful opportunities he has for me here
I thought I had closed the ywam chapter in my book....
but was I right that God really only told me to wait when I started to apply in high school, and was I not suppossed to forget it all together?

SO the adventurous spirit isnt going away, no its getting stronger.
I look at the things I could do in a year and a half and I realize, I would be ridiculous if I did something "normal".
Not when....
I could live in summit county and be an emt.....
or move to Scotland to do the Celtic Way DTS........
or move to a city and really really love people......
my crazy lifestyle isn't going anywhere, anytime soon
but I'm praying about what crazy adventure God wants me to do

God's funny

(from two post from Freshman year)
I have really been wanting to go to Colorado or Scotland lately, is that random?

I have really been interested in learning more about the Bible, missions, my faith, lately, Is that random?

Is it random that these have both been what i have been thinking a lot about lately?

, for one i need a break from school and I need to take a risk. I need to do something that is not typical. My whole life Ive been pretty much from the outside the cookie cutter American girl I grew up in the suburbs played with dolls did ballet, I was a girl scout I was a cheerleader. Then I came to college as an early childhood education major and joined a sorority. I have gone to "summer camp" for every summer since sixth grade. I like apple pie and the 4th of july... okay that might be going a little far. But what I'm saying is so far I done average things and I'm ready to do something different.

If I had only known. This is where my adventurous heart first started to grow. The heart the makes me Kim the 22 year old who is an outdoor leadership minor and has lived in Uganda. God was preparing my heart all they way back then, it's pretty cool.

I lived in the winter wonderland this weekend
I saw pine trees coated with a dusting of snow
I saw mountains that made my heart smile
I encountered true community
and I found myself realizing. That I can't have just Scotland, or just the outdoors. God didn't create me for that.
Some how some way God will teach me how to combine both of these passions, I just have to be patient and wait, and it will be revealed.
I thought I learned how to be be myself 4 years ago, but as college goes on I am realizing that I only learned who I was four years ago, learning how to act like myself is only just beginning to happen.

and well the hardship of last summer, well the lesson might of been worth how horrible it was.
"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking they're either braver than most or else just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
- C. S Lewis The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,

SO with a year and a half left of my college career, well I'm pretty much certain I'll be single when I graduate( I don't get that close to people that fast)
and I've been thinking a lot lately about what that means.
Now I know the typical christian college girl would be devastated, but I must admit, I'm a little excited.
Not that it wouldn't be wonderful to find someone, and I sure hope I do someday, but well being single and not in school, means well I get to do anything, as long as I have a way to make a living, as long as God allows, I could go crazy and explore the world if I wanted to
I could move to Scotland.
I could become a ski bum
I could do something crazy like move the the west coast, or the east coast.
I could live in an intentional living community.
I could move to New Zealand
and well it's kind of fun to think about those things, not in a well that would be fun way, but a what if I really did this way.
God could through a curve ball, this adventurous spirit could go away, but for now I'm embracing it.

History ,
It's also been always apart of me
Growing up my favorite make believe game was not princess, or house. It was little women and titanic.
I was a pioneer girl for halloween
and a colonial girl
and a mexican girl in the 18 hundreds
I gobbled up the American girl dolls and books
and Laura Ingalls Wilder was my best friend
and well this love of history is part of the reason I love scotland so much.
I feel like the history there, well it's everywhere, and it pumps through my bones.
My heart Smiles when I'm in Scotland...
Why do I feel so drawn to the mountains....

I'm starting to think more and more, that I can't choose between the two. And that isn't what God wants me to do, that somewhere somehow, there is a third option, an option that will come with time.

You know that little place in your heart.
That place that when you do something, you know you are suppossed to do in for the rest of your life.
Well that's how I feel when I look at mountains, when I look at pine trees that scrape the sky, when I take a dip in a cold mountain lake.
I know I'm supposed to be outdoors.
It is the constant in my life, the one interest that has always been there.
The first trip my parents took me on was a camping trip
I'm the girl who played with salamanders when I was little.
Who built stick forts in middle school
Who spent countless hours playing in the creek behind my neighborhood
The thing is though I've always picked stuff over the outdoors.
I quit rangers because of cheerleading
and so on and so on...
but I'm done
and I don't want to do that again, I don't want to forget the outdoors, I want to spend my life in it unless God is directing me otherwise
but is he...?
Why do the mountains give me this constant feeling of rightness?
Why do I sometimes feel completely unqualified to work in the outdoors?